30 million copies of 50 Shades of Grey sold and counting.... Leaving commentators bemused: why so popular? It's obviously not high literature, but then again, it's not trying to be, it’s just a good romance.
 
 But 30 million copies…
 
 … there’s got to be something special…

Ignore the standard 'bodice ripper' elements - rich hero, innocent heroine, both stunningly beautiful main characters, exotic locales, etc - and you basically have a love story which has important elements that all couples can relate to.

I see three important, and appealing, themes:

1) Good Sex Requires Ongoing Negotiation

Couples need to negotiate their sexual relationship and be completely honest and open when pushing their boundaries. In the 50 Shades Trilogy, she's pushing her boundaries re BDSM and he's pushing his through allowing intimacy. It's scary for both, they have their freak-outs, but they keep working through with openness, honesty and respect.
 
 Apply this to real life couples and you get the same thing: you must keep talking about sex. Otherwise, you get stuck in a sexual rut, never game to try anything new, assuming (or hoping) that your partner is happy with the status quo.
 
 So whether it’s something as tame as trying sex with the lights on, or as ‘out there’ as considering setting up a dungeon in the spare room, it takes discussion and negotiation - then exploration, experimentation and more discussion and negotiation. 

2) Kinky sex is not 'bad' it's just one type of sexual relating.

Just as we all have different tastes in food, so we all have different tastes in sex. As long as it’s between consenting, adult, living humans, then it’s fine. Some people are very happy with a sweet and simple approach to sex and others like a more adventurous approach (and you can move up and down that spectrum throughout life). 

In the 50 Shades Trilogy, he starts out only having experienced sex as a pretty extreme form of kink, which freaks the bejesus out of her! Fair enough too, she doesn’t want an ‘arrangement’, she wants a relationship. Take away the concept of contracts and impersonal relating and she realises she actually quite likes the play. So, they tone it way back and start exploring…
 
 There's a whole range of kinkiness - from simple hair pulling in the throes of passion, through to setting up a dungeon in the basement. I’ve been talking a lot about kinky sex in the last few blogs, showing how kinky play can be positive and highly enjoyable.
 
 When done with genuine interest (if the thought leaves you cold, then don’t go there) along with mutual consent and respect, then kinky play can add interest and spice to anyone's sex life. 

3) A Strong, Sensual Man is a Sexually Desirable Man

Women respond to a sensual man who is focused on them and openly adores them. The seduction must never stop! 

The male protagonist in 50 Shades is constantly focused on his partner, never wavering in the face of her demands to lift his game and be all he can be. He takes it on board and proves himself worthy of her love - and in so doing she opens herself to him and comes to trust him enough to really explore her sexuality.
 
 Too many couples get complacent with each other and stop making an effort. Men, adore your woman; and women, allow the adoration! Be open to it and respond positively. He’s doing it because he genuinely loves and desires you. Your appreciation and acceptance make him feel so good. He’ll become more confident in his masculinity, allowing you to be more expressive in your femininity. 

Playing along the borders of pleasure and pain can add delectable spice to your love life - although the thought of it can be pretty confusing and scary.

So let me explain.
We all have pain thresholds, and the area around that threshold can be exquisitely delightful - if approached in a safe and relaxed manner.

Sportspeople do it all the time: the runner’s high, the endorphin rush of lifting heavy weights repetitively - it’s one of the reasons people love sport and physical activity. I used to train intensively in the marital arts and would take a beating several times a week and would dish it out just as strongly. It was great!

This is all considered ‘normal’ behaviour. In fact, when sportspeople push themselves, they are lauded and praised. Yet those who do it sexually are often considered deviant.

Pushing the boundaries of pleasure and pain in physical activity only works if it’s done carefully. You have to warm up, you have to know your limits, you have to develop at your own pace, and those you’re playing with have to know and respect your limits too, as well as their own.

As a high level black belt I would train with my black belt peers very differently than I would with new students. With the newbies, there was a lot of instruction on staying safe, and the instruction on safety would change as the skill level grew.

It’s the same with pain play. We all have different erotic interests and different limits. I know people who like to put hooks through their skin and swing from the ceiling. Yikes! That is most definitely not something I want to do! But good luck to them; from what I’ve observed, their level of care in preparation is akin to that of parachutists. I’ve also watched people create intricate designs in needles on other people’s chests. Again, yikes! No-one is putting needles in my skin (unless they’re an acupuncturist); but again, the people I’ve observed in needle play do have the same level of care and hygiene as any medical professional (in fact a lot of them are in the medical professions!)

I’ve deliberately used a couple of quite extreme examples there, there’s not a lot of hook or needle play going on in the bedrooms of Australia, nor need there be. However, it seems there’s not a lot of playing going on full stop, and this is one area where you can have some fun exploring. Such as:

• A gentle massage might put you to sleep, a firm massage, with a few slaps on the bum might arouse you.
• Making love in missionary position might be a bit ho-hum, pull your partner’s hair at the same time and an erotic edge is added.
• Squeezing your partner’s nipples with your finger tips or nails, slowly increasing the pressure, can be squirm-inducingly good on it’s own or when combined with genital pleasuring.
• Running your nails down the inside of your partner’s thighs, over the soles of their feet, around their neck, or any number of other delicious body areas, can create a similar effect.
• Biting the various body areas can also be delightful - start with a gentle bite and oh so gradually increase the pressure.

Once you've been practicing the basic exercises for a while, you should feel a change in your pelvis, feeling more present and connected to your genital region. This is a good thing. 

Give your pelvic floor a squeeze now, notice how it connects you to your pelvic area. Breath into your belly and do some more squeezes, nice and relaxed.
 
 Let’s look at some advanced pleasures. 

Connect with your Pelvis.The first advanced pleasure is simply that - to connect with your pelvis. So many people are disconnected from their pelvises. Increasing the connection will help men last longer and men and women to have better orgasms.
 
Recharge Yourself. You can also use your pelvic floor to draw energy up your body, to recharge yourself. Visualise an energy centre in your pelvis. It could be a flame, a cloud of electricity, a pulsing gem, whatever comes to mind. Then as you squeeze and relax, keeping your breath low and calm, imagine that with the squeezes you are drawing energy up your body, either up your spine or up your middle.
 
 Please note that if you’re doing a lot of energy raising in this way, it’s important that you also lower and centre the energy at the end of your practice. All you need to do is put your hands on your belly and visualise the energy you’ve raised sinking back down.
 
Extend Sexual Pleasure. Do this when you’re masturbating, drawing up the energy when you’re highly aroused but before you orgasm. Notice how that can heighten the pleasure and hold off the orgasm. Then do it after you’ve come, and notice how it can extend the yummy orgasmic feelings and allow them to flow through your whole body, not just your genitals.
 
Share Energy with your Partner. Do this with your partner. Sit cross-legged facing each other, gazing into each other’s eyes and draw the energy up. Do it holding hands, do it with your left hand on your own chest and your right hand covering your partners left hand over their chest. Notice any feelings and sensations that arise within you and between you.
 
Massage the Penis with your Vagina. Do it with your partner when the penis is in the vagina, no thrusting. Ladies, give your partner’s penis a good cuddle with your vagina, stroke it with your muscles, give it a massage. This is one of the more fun ways to strengthen your pelvic floor. As your muscles become more toned, he’ll be able to feel a lot more from the vagina stroking.
 
Last Longer
. Guys, to last longer when you’re inside your partner’s lovely vagina, you need to be very present in your penis, very connected to your penis and through it to her. Switch off your brain and feel with your penis. Use your pelvic floor muscles to keep your focus there. And as described above, draw the sexual energy away from the end of your penis back into your body when you feel the excitement build too high.
 
 It’s a powerful thing, the pelvic floor. When combined with belly breathing, it really does: 

• Centre you 
• Connect upper and lower body
• Allow for energy flow within the body (and prevents energy ‘leaks’)
• Provide more blood flow and oxygen to the pelvis
• Improve sexual pleasure and orgasm

And because of all that it keeps you youthful and vital.
 
 So, squeeze away! 

Can you use your pelvic floor to draw up energy and recharge yourself?
 Can you have sustained orgasms?
 Men, can you use your muscles to help you last longer?
 If not, can I suggest you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles?

What are The Pelvic Floor Muscles?
 
 The pelvic floor is a band of muscle that goes from the pubic bone at the front to the tailbone at the back and to the bones of the upper thighs on either side. It’s a girdle of muscle that holds all the pelvic organs in place, with just a few holes for the various tubes to come through.
 
Benefits of Toned Muscles 
 
 Like any muscle, if it’s toned it’s stronger and more effective than if it’s not toned.
 
 Since having toned pelvic floor muscles means: 

• Heightened awareness of and connection to your pelvic region and genitals
• Better sexual response in terms of awareness of sensations
• More pleasure for your partner (she can massage him; he can last longer)
• Better orgasms with greater sensation and longer length
• Continued good sex as you get older
• Her vagina won’t fall out when you’re old (yes, vaginal prolapse can happen!)

there’s a lot to be said for toning those muscles!
 
How to Tone the Muscles 
 
 Locate the muscles by squeezing as though you are trying to stop urine flowing. Aim to isolate just that muscle area, so that your abdomen and buttocks stay relaxed. Keep your breathing calm and flowing.
 
 1) Squeeze and Relax Rhythmically: in for half a second, relax for half a second. Do this for as long as you can, at least half a minute, but you can do it for ever if you like!
 
 2) Squeeze, Hold and Relax: Squeeze the muscles, then hold them for as long as you can. A few seconds initially, then increasing up to 20 seconds or more. Make sure your abdomen and buttock muscles are relaxed as you do this. Keep breathing evenly.
 
 3) Squeeze in Stages: Squeeze your muscles, then squeeze a little tighter, then a little more, and a little more…then just touch a more…And release!
 
 It’s important that you don’t only focus on the squeezing in. You also need to relax out. So, finish with some gentle squeezes in and pushes out, just like a wave lapping on the shore, do about 20 or so.
 
 So practice those exercises every day whenever you think of it. Then when you’ve got the hang of it, read my next article for more advanced training and the awesome things you can do when you’ve got those muscles good and toned! 

I've been doing a lot of media interviews lately where the topic of erotic literature comes up, due to the current success of Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm asked whether it's good for people's sex lives.

Absolutely! I reply.

This is for three reasons:

1. Turn Yourself On

Erotica is sexy, so reading it is a good way to get in the mood for sex. Whether you read it leading up to a delightful session of solo play, or perhaps in the bath before meeting your partner in your boudoir for some partnered love-making, it’s an excellent way to start warming yourself up.

2. Know Your Eroticism

What turns you on is a personal thing, we all like different things and there are no should or shouldn’ts when it comes to what you like (as long as it’s between consenting living adult humans). By reading erotica, especially short stories, you can discover what elements of eroticism do it for you. Some stories you’ll read and think: “Oh yes, I like that!” so you might want to explore that eroticism; others will be: “Oh no, that leaves me cold/turns me off” so you know you’re not interested in exploring that eroticism; and some will be: “Ooh, I’m not sure if I like that or not…” in which case it could be worth exploring, if you’re brave enough!

3. Spice Up Your Sexual Play

Reading erotica aloud to each other is very sexy and can be part of your beforeplay - or turn it into a game where you try to distract the reader, as part of your foreplay…

More importantly, reading erotica alone or together will give you insights into what you and your partner like. Then you can experiment with adding elements to your own sex play. The stories might be more extreme than you necessarily would be comfortable with, so ask yourself how you could add milder elements to your own life. If, for example, you liked the voyeuristic elements of a story about a couple being watched while they have sex, perhaps you could have sex by an open window or on a balcony. If a story about bondage turns you on, you can always play with stockings and scarves from your own cupboard for a less scary experience, or purchase feathered handcuffs or silken rope for a sensual bondage experience. 

You could explore this further by writing some erotica together: you write a paragraph, then your partner writes the next, then you the next, and so on… See what interesting places that takes you to!

There’s plenty of very good erotica around these days. Good book stores have an erotica section. Some adult shops sell erotica - Max Black has a particularly fine range. 

Just on the topic of erotica, I pen a pretty good story myself, and am putting the finishing touches to my next book on Sex Goddesses for the modern woman. It contains about 30 erotic vignettes to illustrate the concepts, and will be the world’s first book in the brand new genre of Educational Erotica. I’m very excited about this!

That’ll be a fourth reason to read erotica!

I love Tantra and I love elements of kink. The two combined are what I call Sensual Kink, and I don't think it gets much better than that. So, with the current interest in kink that's been generated by the overwhelming popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, I thought I might share my thoughts.
 
 To me, Tantra and Kink are at one end of a spectrum; and the alcohol-fuelled model of sex, along with porn and raunch culture, are at the other. The former are about depth and connection, resulting in ecstatic and altered states of consciousness; and the latter is about superficiality and a performance-style sexuality that has little if any positive outcome from what I can see.

I know my kinky side has been there since I was a five-year old getting turned on by a cartoon of Donald Duck pegging his nephews by their tails to a rotating clothesline and spanking their bottoms as it turned. I didn’t even know what that feeling was, but it’s etched into my memory. You could also claim that my years of martial arts training, spending hour upon hour being belted into the floor and feeling elated from it, was a form of sadomasochism. But I didn’t truly discover my kinky side until I first explored Tantra.
 
 Many people would assume that Tantra is all about goodness and light and spirituality, and Kink is dark and evil, so the two would be opposites. That’s not my experience. Through Tantra I discovered the ability to go places sexually, without even genital touch, just with sexual energy, in the presence of a highly-energetically developed person and open myself up to extraordinary experiences. It was great.
 
 Then I heard that people had similar experiences in Kink - that they could be tied up, for instance, and go into orgasm or blissful states without genital touch. That caught my fancy, so I started to investigate. Well! What I discovered was that the energetic presence between two people engaged in many Kink activities is the same energy as that between Tantric practitioners - and you get to dress up in outrageous clothes as you do it!
 
So I said to the universe: “Queen of Tantra would like to meet King of Kink, to explore the realm where Tantra and Kink meet.” Now, when you’re clear about what you want, the universe delivers. And it did. I had an amazing next twelve months, where I took my explorations into the outer reaches of human sexual potential even further.
 
 I’m sure I could have got lost in those wonderful places, but my calling is here on earth, helping others move closer to their own sexual potential. So that relationship ended and since then I’ve been with my current wonderful partner who shares my own love of Tantra and Kink and mutually exploring all the exquisite possibilities of sexuality and sensuality.
 
 The work I do with people applies to any form of sexuality - as long as it’s real and connected. I am simply not interested in the superficial approach to sexuality that abounds in this society. In fact, I spend a lot of my time helping people get over the negative impacts of that approach.
 
 Fortunately, there are enough of you out there realising that there’s more to life than being either a would-be porn star or a prude (I say you, because you wouldn’t be reading my work if you didn’t feel at least an inkling of this). To you I say: develop your ability to connect; heighten your sensuality; follow your instinct; and explore wherever your sexuality leads you.
 
Kinky, spiritual, lustful, intense or subtle - it’s all good - as long as it’s real.

A graduate of one of my Luscious Woman Workshops wrote to me and said that intellectually she understood the concept of self-validation, but wasn’t able to make it real until she attended my workshop.

She wrote:

“For me, self-validation has required putting into practice things you advocated in Luscious Woman:

• Getting out of my head and into my body - exercise, massage, masturbation and other self-pleasuring – because feeling loved helps in believing you are worthy of (your own and others’) love;
  
  
• Meditation and other contemplative/spiritual practices that are about being gentle, kind and non-judgmental;
  
  
• Using those kind, gentle non-judgmental techniques to re-train my inner harsh critic. This harsh critic is my well-meaning but badly trained best friend. She thinks she tells me what I need to know to protect myself, so if she says the worst things to me, before anyone else does, that somehow or another I'll have steeled myself for the worst from other people. Greeting that inner critic as a loved friend, not the enemy, thanking her for the fierceness and strength of her concern, has gone a long way for me in quieting her down.
  
  
• The other technique has been to acknowledge and allow the fear to pass through me rather than to block it and then bury it as part of my inner walls. So I still get a horrible sinking sensation or clutch at my heart sometimes if I catch a glimpse of myself (and my saggy stretch marked tummy) naked. Acknowledging that: "I am feeling fear that someone might find this tummy ugly and reject me - and that fear tells me I've still got work to do on loving and accepting myself - if I loved this tummy how would I treat it?" gives me a way past the horrible feeling and moves me towards the better place. (And that occurs less frequently too).”

Once you’ve navigated your partner’s vagina and got to know the G, A and Ohh Spots a little better let’s look at how you can stimulate all those good spots for maximum effect.

 Before you get anywhere near her genitals though, make sure your partner is well and truly aroused and wanting your fingers to enter. 

Remember, it’s about invitation not penetration! 

The G-Spot:

Insert a finger, run it along the corrugated ridge that’s her urethral sponge until you get to the end, hook your finger on the edge and pull back towards her vaginal opening. A tickling type of movement might be enough, or you may need to be quite firm. Try it with one finger initially and then try it with two, either pulling with both fingers together, or waggling your fingers so they alternate stroking that point. You can also try rubbing around or stroking across the spot. 

She may find the sensation unpleasant initially, with an urge to pee, in which case ask her to relax and have a sense of pushing out with her vaginal muscles. Build up to this though, try a few pulls then relax, a few more. Don’t expect her to love it in the first session, or even the first few sessions. It might even be that she’ll never like the G-Spot, but she might, so that’s no reason not to try. 

The A-Spot:

My personal favorite! Straighten your finger and push directly in and up (I like it a little to my left) on to the vaginal wall on the tummy side of the cervix. You can poke in quite firmly there. Try two fingers as well as one. Again, you can also rub or stroke the area, side to side or round and round, or you can waggle your fingers so they’re tickling gently or prodding quite firmly. Try it with your fingers together and slightly apart. 

Again, it may take some time for her to get used to the sensation, it can be pretty overwhelming and intense initially. Always err on the side of caution and start gently, building up in intensity. 

The Cervix:

On our way to stimulating the O-spot I have to mention stimulating the cervix. You need to go around the cervix to find the O-spot on the other side. So, while you’re there, go around and around the cervix a few times with one or two fingers and see how she likes that! 

The O-Spot:

Directly opposite the A-spot on the rear side of the vagina behind the cervix on the vaginal wall is the O-spot - or O-region really. There’s an open cul-de-sac type of space and you can stimulate the whole area with circular rubs, back and forth strokes, rhythmic pushes, and little waggling tickle-like movements. You can also do circular movements around and around between the back of the cervix (so you’re stroking the cervix itself) and the O-region of the vaginal wall. 

Multi-spot Stimulation:

Once you’ve got the hang of focusing on specific spots or areas, you can put it all together. By inserting two or three fingers simultaneously you can: 

1. Swirl your fingers around and around the vagina at different depths: 

• Firstly, just a knuckle-depth or so in, so you’re stimulating the urethral sponge (the corrugated ridge), with a bit of a tug on the G-spot as you go past the end.
• Then do the swirl deeper in so you’re going around the cervix, either with the pressure onto the cervix, or with the pressure onto the vaginal walls, and therefore onto the A and O areas, or alternating the direction of the pressure (continued pressure on the cervix can become too much).

2. Waggle your fingers: Do an alternate “come hither” tugging-type movement with two fingers from the A-spot to the G-spot along the front wall of her vagina. 

• Waggle your fingers alternately up and down at different depths and with your fingers different distances apart.
• Turn your hand to the side and waggle your fingers side to side across the vagina at different depths.
• Waggle your fingers together, apart or together, as though you’re “scratching” the walls of the vagina. Start with your hand facing towards her back, then start rotating your hand, moving in and out so you’re “scratching” up and down and all around her vagina.

 3. Swirl and waggle simultaneously. 

4. Add some rubs and strokes and prods or pulses with your fingertips as you swirl and waggle. 

Whew! 

Does all that sound a bit complicated? Then build up to it. Pay attention to where you’re touching and what you’re doing, and her reaction to it. Make sure you’re following her response. Every vagina is different, and every woman is different, and every woman and her vagina responds differently at different times. So, the Master of Manual Stimulation knows that he can’t assume a particular technique will always work. He has to be very attuned to the woman. 

The Master Stroke: Add the clitoris

Now, to be a true Master of Manual Stimulation, you need to add the other hand and stimulate her clitoris on the outside. With one hand on the inside working all those lovely vaginal spots, your other hand will be stimulating her clitoris. 

To build up to this level of skill, alternate internal and external, either with the same hand or alternate hands. You need to be competent with the individual hands to be able to bring the two together. 

 When you’ve got both hands going it really is like playing your partner like a musical instrument. And just as a Master Musician is completely at one with his instrument, so do you need to be at one with your partner. Then the “music” you create will be sublime. 

To learn more about mastering sex, enrol in my online sexual mastery course for men Black Belt in the Bedroom!

You might not be quite sure where it is, but you’ve probably heard of the G-spot. 

Are you aware that there are other “spots” in the vagina too?
 
 It’s good to know the geography of your own or your partner’s vagina - there are some good spots in there!
 
 The G-spot is the one that gets all the press these days, there are whole books written about it. To be honest though, it’s not the favourite part of my vagina. It’s good, but for me the O-spot is better, and the A-spot is best of all! 

So where are these spots?
 
 Ok, let’s start with some basic navigation of the vagina. Start with you or your partner lying on your back. Then insert your middle finger into the vagina. You’ll notice that on the tummy side of the vagina it feels like there is a corrugated ridge running from the entrance back into the vagina along the front wall. This is the urethral sponge, the engorging material that surrounds the urethra. As a woman becomes more aroused the urethral sponge engorges with blood and protrudes further into the vagina.
 
 From now on, unless you’re very flexible, I’ll give the instructions for the person who’s inserting their finger into someone else’s vagina. If you’re doing it on your own, you may be able to reach these spots if you’ve got a short vagina and/or long fingers. Otherwise use a dildo for your explorations.
 
The G-spot 
 
 Follow the ridge of urethral sponge back into your vagina to the point where it disappears and hook your finger onto the edge. This is the famous G-spot.
 The whole urethral sponge is sometimes confused with the G-spot, and while pressure on the whole ridge feels good, the actual “spot” is at the far end.
 So, with your finger hooked so the pad of the first knuckle faces back towards the vaginal opening, press and pull.
 
The A-spot (also called the AFE-spot) 
 
 Still with your finger hooked to touch the G-spot, straighten your finger and insert deeper into the vagina, angled in and up so as to touch the front wall of the vagina a little further in than the G-spot. It’s in front of the cervix in the soft tissue there. (The cervix is the knob-like protuberance with a dimple in the middle that you can feel at the end of vagina). It’s a very arousing spot, which you’ll find with focused prodding,
 
O-Spot 
 
 From the A-spot, turn your hand around so it’s facing down and move your finger around the cervix until you’re on the other side, with your fingertip touching the back side of the vagina. It’s opposite the A-spot. This area feels like an open cul-de-sac as this part of the vagina balloons open when a woman is aroused. Poke around there (in a sensual and loving way) and you may well find a good spot there as well.
 
 Every woman is different, so get to know your or your partner’s vagina well. Start by locating these three spots and you may find others as yet uncharted... I've found what I like to call the J-spot, just inside my vagina pressing down...Where are your favourite spots...?

There’s a misbelief that Tantra takes a long time, that it requires hours of sensual, ecstatic pleasuring. It can be, but it can also be quick.
 
 Tantric sex is not about the amount of time that it takes, it’s about the presence that it’s done with. When two people come together with mindfulness, when they are completely present with every movement, when their lovemaking is a flowing dance - it doesn’t matter if it’s a gentle snuggle under the sheets late at night or early morning, or if it’s a rough and vigorous ravishing, or indeed hours of sensuality, it’s the dance and flow of connected energy between the parties. (This applies just as much to solo sex or group sex.)

If you are new to the Tantric or mindful approach to sex you may need to take time to truly connect, engaging in breath and sensual touch activities to allow yourself to ‘sink in to sync in’.
 
 If you are experienced with this work then you may need no preparation at all, the sinking into yourself and the syncing in between you happens in moments. Personally, I love it in the morning when my lover rolls over to cuddle me and I invite his penis in with no preparation, often it’s not even particularly hard. We can lie there together with little or no movement, at other times it moves into some serious ravishing! But it doesn’t last long because the day looms.
 
 That’s the beauty of the Tantric mindful approach, you can engage in the bathroom while the kids are having their breakfast, you can nip into a spare room while out at a party, in the car, before you get up, as you’re getting ready to go out.
 
 It’s not about orgasm, about needing to ‘get off’; it’s about connection and generating a delicious sexual energy within and between you.
 
 In fact, you need to have these quick and deep connections, it’s all part of keeping the connection between you strong, keeping the ‘mmm’ factor alive in your relationship. It also keeps the woman’s ‘water energy’ simmering, so she’s open and receptive and coming from a place of ‘yes!’ - or reigniting his ‘fire energy’ if his spark has gone out.
 
 It’s about having a seamless transition between all aspects of life; allow life to flow rather than putting all your energy into controlling it. 

My book 'Sex Secrets for Busy People' is essentially about the Tantric Quickie.