Over my years of clinical and academic involvement in sexuality (not to mention countless hours of personal ‘research’) I have identified seven underlying elements to our sexuality.
These elements are all essential to having a strong, healthy, integrated sexuality. If you are weak in any of them, your sexuality will be out of balance.
These elements are also developmental, each element includes and transcends the ones before. If you jump ahead before you’ve developed and integrated the earlier elements, that too will cause your sexuality to be out of balance. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
Sex within intimate relationships can be an extraordinary place to grow spiritually, to deepen in love, expand conscious awareness, to feel more peace, bliss, ease. But it’s also very easy to fall into what’s called spiritual bypassing, thinking that you’re becoming more spiritual but actually doing some or all of the following:
In the Tantric yogic traditions they talk about ‘actionless action’ or inaction through action. This is part of the karma-yoga tradition, developing spiritually through right action. Rather than renouncing the world and avoiding actions, karma yoga is about engaging in the world - cultivating wordly life and spiritual life simultaneously.
In the Taoist tradition there is the concept of wu-wei ‘action through non-action’ or action without intent, which leads to a life of harmony, aligned with the Way or the Tao. read more...
It's Autumn, the “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness” to quote Keats - a time of ripening and reaching fulfillment. Mmm, doesn’t that sound so sexual!
It’s not an intense, fiery time of year though and I don’t advocate an overly intense approach to sex.
Too many people go too far too quick, rushing into it, without allowing the time for the ‘ripening’ in order to achieve real sexual fulfillment.
Truly awesome sex always takes connection, a 'sinking in' within oneself and with each other. It’s different from the rapid-fire approach to sexual excitation, which is the more “normal” mode in this society. With this sinking in comes a ‘syncing in’, where you can let go and really feel each other, really tune in - and for a while the two can indeed become 'one'.
When your vagina is relaxed and receptive it becomes the most amazingly sensitive organ, capable of experiencing subtle energies and generating beautifully exquisite sensations. Unfortunately, as the standard model of sex is for vigorous thrusting into the vagina, our vaginas tend to become “hardened” to subtlety.
Also, because of the focus on the clitoris, the vagina can get neglected. To the extent that some people feel that the clitoris is the only important sex organ for a woman and that the vagina is simply a vessel for the man’s penis to enjoy. So most of the attention goes on to the clitoris, with strong stimulation there to the point of orgasm, followed by intercourse until he comes. The clitoris is very wonderful, of course! But so is the vagina. I’d like you to reclaim your vagina as the wonderful, sensitive organ that it can be. read more...
Taking a break together is always a good thing to do, helping you relax and rejuvenate and hopefully have some quality sexy time away from the stresses of everyday life.
So why would you add a couples retreat to your time away? What are the benefits to you of going to one of my LoveLife Couples Retreats?
Well, where do I start?! Feeling the love and connection in the group and seeing the couples blossom is an experience that’s hard to put into words.
But I’ll try...
There are many melting moments during quality sex.
Moments where there is a sense of melting:
Live ‘La Vida Tantrika’ - the Tantric life!
The Tantric approach sees joy and pleasure as essential to spirituality. It’s about harnessing the power of pleasure without attachment to that pleasure, desire without craving; finding the spiritual in all aspects of life, really living life to the full. read more...
Being a sex geek, I am both trained as a scientist yet explore areas more likely to be considered mystical - particularly in the area of sexual pleasure. I myself have ecstatic experiences and blissful states that are quite different and far more pleasurable than what is considered 'normal sex', and I have spoken with many people who also have them, and have helped many others discover these possibilities too.
I am not exaggerating when I say that 'normal' sex is to this type of sex what a fast food hamburger is to gourmet cooking (keeping in mind that sometimes a hamburger is just fine, and you don’t have to like fine food). read more...
I love to create beautiful experiences for people, to take them on journeys where they discover the magnificence of their sexuality, the beauty of their eroticism - and a deep opening into love.
I’m back from running another couple's retreat in the Blue Mountains and once again I am awed by the love that is expressed in these retreats. I know I’m blessed to regularly be ‘bathed’ in this energy as it is such a rare thing to experience in our society, where intimacy is so secretive and the public expression of sexuality tends to be coarse. read more...
- Porn Star vs Prude
- “When One is Pretending, the Whole Body Revolts”
- Non-Linear Love-Making: the Picnic Approach to Sex
- Your Bedroom As Sanctuary
- Sexy Debriefing
- Getting "Love Drunk"
- Make-Over Your Sex Life
- Be Real, Express Freely
- The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
- Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
- Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
- Getting to Sex can be like getting to the Gym
- Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts. Like Chocolate Cake.
- Turn Yourself On and the World Turns On To You
to my LOVELIFE blog for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!