To awaken your body to subtlety and exquisite sensation, you need to have heightened sensitivity. This takes strong connection and deep feeling. There’s no way you’d get that level of connection and feeling through being passive. read more...
The Love Life Blog: real advice for real people.
Let’s take a look at the widely held myth that women are not naturally promiscuous.
First, a few biological facts:
It seems to me that too much porn is making men less masculine and it’s making women less feminine*.
To have the ecstatic sexual experiences all women are capable of requires a woman to be soft, receptive, yielding. She has to feel safe enough to be completely vulnerable and thereby open herself up utterly.
Is that what we see in porn? Uh … no.
Now don’t get me wrong, when I describe a highly sexual woman in this way, I don’t mean the only sex she likes is incredibly soft. It can also be wild and wanton and absolutely full of abandon.
In fact, when a woman gets to her ultimate sexually, she becomes wild and free and completely unconstrained. That can lead to frenzied, passionate, delirious responses or it can lead to utter stillness with ecstatic sensations infusing the body with delectable pleasure, or anywhere in between. The thing is that it’s a true and real expression of a woman who feels confident enough in herself and in her partner to be able to go there.
Soft, rounded curves of femininity: breasts are the archetypal symbol of womanliness.
It’s probably the reason we women have so much trouble with them! They’re too small or too big, too saggy or the nipples are funny… We don’t pay them a lot of attention, and when we do, it’s generally negative thoughts.
In the Tantric tradition though, a woman’s breasts are her positive pole, and it’s essential that we focus positively on our positive pole (and that our partners do too). read more...
When a woman gets to a level of arousal where she’s in a different ‘zone’ - love-drunk, in a heightened state, an altered state of consciousness - the sex changes.
There’s a different energy in that state, strange things happen. You can become aware of different sensations in your body: feelings of ecstasy and rapture, of transport and transcendence.
The description of this state sounds almost religious. read more...
I had an interesting few days recently, running a workshop for women, followed two days later with a seminar for men.
For me it was truly wonderful to work with a group of 16 women over two days and feel and see them come more fully into the strength and softness of their femininity, and become more sexually confident and expressive. Such gorgeous strong feminine women!
And then two days later to work with a group of 15 men for an evening of coming into the strength and softness of their masculinity, becoming more sexually confident and (according to feedback from participants and/or their partners) more sexually expressive. Such gorgeous strong masculine men! read more...
I had a male client complain to me recently that after five years he still couldn’t get his girlfriend to want or enjoy sex. He said he’d tried everything - even anal sex and fisting, and she still wasn’t interested…
Oh boy, I think this guy was confusing sex with a porn shoot.
The poor girlfriend wasn’t frigid, she just wasn’t ready! Fortunately she was trusting her body and saying no, rather than going ahead and traumatizing herself. read more...
“Batten down the hatches! Prepare for penetration!!”
It’s not exactly how a woman wants to feel when in the throes of sexual pleasure.
For maximum pleasure we need to be accepting and welcoming, not tensing and preparing for combat. Yet the language we use around sex, encourages the latter not the former. read more...
The human body is a sexual pleasure machine, and the female body even more so than the male.
That may seem surprising if your concept of someone’s “level of sexuality” is determined by their “level of libido”. We’re rather too libido-oriented in this society.
Would you like your vagina to be exquisitely sensitive, alive to nuance and sensation and responsive to ecstatic subtleties? Then you need to wake her up!
Unfortunately our focus in this society on the harder side of sex, the “peaks” rather than the “valleys” of sex, means that many women have “hardened" their vaginas. The focus on the “bigger, harder, faster”, rather than the “slower, softer, subtler”, means that many women have lost the ability to sense subtlety and softness through the walls of their vaginas. If your vagina can’t feel, then you either need increasingly more intense stimulation, or you forget about the vagina and focus on the clitoris as your primary sexual organ, or you give up on intercourse altogether because it just doesn’t feel like much. When your vagina is awake though, it becomes so sensitive in the most delightful of ways! It becomes highly receptive and attuned to subtle energies and exquisite variations of sensation. read more...
to my LOVELIFE blog for weekly inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!
- Savouring Sex
- Living La Vida Tantrika
- Be Kind - It Works
- Pushing Boundaries
- Seven Benefits of Attending A LoveLife Couples Tantra Retreat
- Good Rest=Good Sex
- We Need Bliss
- Receptive is not Passive
- So Much Love
- A High-Level Relationship is a High-Maintenance Relationship
- Sex as Spiritual Practice
- The Yin and Yang of Sex
- Third Level Love-Making
- Vive La Difference!
- Taking a Marriage Sabbatical