John Gottman, noted American couples therapist, has some wonderful ideas around good communication. One I particularly like is the concept that you have to share before you can fix.
What this means is that when you have something you need to discuss or resolve, it’s important that the two of you take the time to share how you feel about the situation before you try finding ways of solving the situation. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this week. Congratulations Mum and Dad!
They’ve had a great relationship. It’s had its ups and downs of course, but they never flat-lined or became complacent. They maintained their zest for life. And as I often say: you’ve gotta love life to have a love life.
What I do want to talk about is how much my father loves my mother, and what a positive impact that has had on me. You see, as a girl, having a father who loves, respects and admires his wife, your mother, is the best thing possible for growing up with a positive self-image. read more...
When your vagina is relaxed and receptive it becomes the most amazingly sensitive organ, capable of experiencing subtle energies and generating beautifully exquisite sensations. Unfortunately, as the standard model of sex is for vigorous thrusting into the vagina, our vaginas tend to become “hardened” to subtlety.
Also, because of the focus on the clitoris, the vagina can get neglected. To the extent that some people feel that the clitoris is the only important sex organ for a woman and that the vagina is simply a vessel for the man’s penis to enjoy. So most of the attention goes on to the clitoris, with strong stimulation there to the point of orgasm, followed by intercourse until he comes. The clitoris is very wonderful, of course! But so is the vagina. I’d like you to reclaim your vagina as the wonderful, sensitive organ that it can be. read more...
Sit facing each other. Cross-legged is ideal, or on straight-backed chairs if your knees aren’t so good. Be close enough that your knees are touching and you can hold hands.
Then simply gaze into each other’s eyes.
Play some luscious chilled music, and hold the gaze for one song. That’s about three minutes. read more...
Every time you do something for or say something nice to your partner it’s like you’re sending them a little bundle of loving sexual energy, a little quantum of deliciousness.
Imagine that quantum of energy springing across from your heart and into your partner’s heart. Make them feel the “mmm” - “mmm, you love me” and “mmm, you desire me”. read more...
Kids, mortgages, housework, career ...
Are those the priorities in your life?
Next you try to fit in some nice-to-haves: gym, net-surfing, watch some TV, repainting the lounge...
After all of that there's not a lot of time left for much else is there?
Does that sound like your life? Pretty good on the whole, shouldn’t complain, but something’s missing? Does it feel like you’re doing it tough? Do you feel somehow unsupported as though you’re going it alone, even if you have a partner…?
Chances are, like so many busy modern couples, you’ve lost the “Mmm-Factor”. read more...
This is an interesting one. I find a lot of people aren’t having anywhere near the kind of sex that would really turn them on, because they don’t feel they can have ‘that’ kind of sex, whatever ‘that kind of sex’ is, with their partner.
I’ve written elsewhere about pushing boundaries and how to expand your sexual play, so this is more about the step before - how to even consider having ‘dirty’ sex with your beloved.
What I mean by ‘dirty’ is whatever you want it to mean, whatever lies beyond your comfort zone of ‘acceptable’, whatever is wild, wicked, naughty, or add the adjective of your choice… read more...
Taking a break together is always a good thing to do, helping you relax and rejuvenate and hopefully have some quality sexy time away from the stresses of everyday life.
So why would you add a couples retreat to your time away? What are the benefits to you of going to one of my LoveLife Couples Retreats?
Well, where do I start?! Feeling the love and connection in the group and seeing the couples blossom is an experience that’s hard to put into words.
But I’ll try...
What is a hobby? According to the dictionary it’s “an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.” That sounds like sex to me!
We all know that it’s good for couples to have a mutual hobby - cooking, gardening, sport, travel, outdoor recreation, decorating, traveling, study. It gives us something to talk about, to experiment with and to enjoy together.
You’re being intimate anyway, so why not give your sex life the same focus and attention that you give any hobby? read more...
…which means it’s not “getting each other off”.
Solo sex is about having an orgasm, experimentation, self-education or any number of things, but it’s not about sharing.
Partnered sex is about sharing pleasure. read more...
- Getting "Love Drunk"
- Make-Over Your Sex Life
- Be Real, Express Freely
- The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
- Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
- Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
- Getting to Sex can be like getting to the Gym
- Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts. Like Chocolate Cake.
- Turn Yourself On and the World Turns On To You
- Therapy is Composting Your Sh*t
- Are You Flat-lining or Surfing in Life?
- How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex & Relationships
- The Clitoris Is Not an On-Off Button
- The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution
to my LOVELIFE blog for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!