I find people's views on sex fascinating, even after over eight thousand hours of talking to people in detail about their sex lives! There's so much diversity around what we think of as “normal” or “abnormal” - far more diversity than you'd think if you based it on the media or general opinion.
I could go on and on about the range of opinions people have about what “normal” is.
But in my considerable experience as a Sex Therapist I’ve discovered that the idea of “normal” has little basis in anything other than what people themselves have experienced in their own lives.
Interestingly, whether they think that their own experience is normal or abnormal seems to be based more on their level of self-esteem than anything else:
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways…
1. I say it with words of love and affection
2. I touch you with love and affection
3. I give you gifts
4. I spend time with you
5. I do things for you
I’m sure that Shakespeare in his wisdom about human relationships would have agreed with these five ‘languages’ of love. It’s actually the modern-day author Gary Chapman who came up with them.
It's the new year, a time for committing to bettering yourself. What better area of life to commit to focusing on than your love life?!
Whether you're single or partnered, we can all focus on that fundamentally important contributor to health, happiness and well-being - your sexuality!
So I'd like to suggest you commit to a Year of Great Sex! Let's call it your 'Great Sex' Project.
Given how busy and distracted we all are, it's the 'getting to sex' stage that's the most challenging for modern couples. I call this stage of sex 'Beforeplay'. It's the transition phase necessary to remove you from the stresses of the day, and get the two of you connecting, maintaining the 'mmm' factor and building up some of that erotic frission...
As the famous quote from John Cleese in “the Meaning of Life” goes: “You don’t just go barreling on down to the clitoris! What’s wrong with a kiss?”
Too many people wrongly think that the clitoris is some kind of magical on/off button for women’s arousal. Too mainly people wrongly believe that if you start playing with her clitoris then she’ll be ready for “the main event” (i.e, intercourse).
But genital stimulation is not foreplay.
Personally I refer to any kind of genital interaction as “sex”: oral sex, manual sex, intercourse.
Foreplay is what you do before you get genital... read more...
Sexual pleasure involves so much more than just what your genitals are doing.
Engaging the senses is a crucial element to heightening sexual pleasure.
Just as the experience is more enjoyable and satisfying the more you engage the senses and make it a whole experience when you eat - think grabbing a bite to eat on the run as opposed to a sit down meal - so it is with sex. read more...
Sex is one of the great forms of human self-expression. It's a place where creativity, physical movement, pleasure and joy can manifest, just like the other forms of human expression - music, art, design, dance, cooking, sport, even writing. read more...
I like to divide sexual encounters in a long-term relationship into three types:
Simple Sex – short and comforting
Sensual Sex - luscious and bonding
Spicy Sex – exciting and adventurous
When you think about desiring your partner, or a potential partner, what are the things that make you go “Mmmmm”? As in “Mmmmm, that's nice!” And what are the things that make you go “Nnngh”, as in “Nnngh - that's not so nice”?
In other words, what are your turn ons and turn offs when it comes to sex and desire?
What enhances your desire and what detracts from it?
Mis-matched libidos, difference in desire, high and low sex drive, etc. These are very common terms used to describe a very common issue.
But what are we really talking about here?
What is libido, what is desire?
Firstly, it’s not a ‘thing’. Libido is not something you have or don’t have.
Secondly, desire is not arousal.
Often people say that one partner has a high libido, high desire, and the other partner has low libido, low desire. But when we get talking it often turns out that they are confusing desire with arousal.
Having fast arousal is not the same as having high desire, and having slow arousal is not the same as having low desire. read more...
- Porn Star vs Prude
- “When One is Pretending, the Whole Body Revolts”
- Non-Linear Love-Making: the Picnic Approach to Sex
- Your Bedroom As Sanctuary
- Sexy Debriefing
- Getting "Love Drunk"
- Make-Over Your Sex Life
- Be Real, Express Freely
- The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
- Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
- Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
- Getting to Sex can be like getting to the Gym
- Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts. Like Chocolate Cake.
- Turn Yourself On and the World Turns On To You
to my LOVELIFE blog for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!